Suddenly I was free of everything my mother made me believe I was

30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 20 I have been trying to write this 20th day for weeks now, day after day I get my pen and notebook to get stuck somewhere in the first paragraph. Sixteen pages with no more than five lines are before this one, trying to describe an event that truly …

I am afraid of the story my body tells

30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 18 I have many insecurities but most of them are linked to the awareness of my own body, created by a kind of disconnection. For me, my body has always felt too big, it just doesn't fit me I don't see it at mine. Probably because the body of …

There will never be a place for me on my boyfriend’s couch

DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 17 As a hypersensitive person I always considered myself to be good with other people. It is true that there are not many real friends around, due to the walls I have been hiding behind for years, but when it comes to making contact and getting to know a stranger …

I feel like I’m made up of antonyms

30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 16 My psychologist gave me and assignment before I got out of his green chair last week. "Think about a strength that can protect your child-self in the memories you have of her." He meant some good quality I have today that I can give her her, helping her …

I hold my own light

30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 4 I feel like my life has become all about my breakdown. At work my mental state is a topic in almost every conversation, my conversations with family and friends have become distant and with everything I keep doubting myself because of what I am going through. Sometimes I …

I Am First

30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 2 What if there was more in this world than just ability and inability, what if we were all free to do what we feel is good for us? To do what we truly need. What if our world would allow us to put our own happiness or well-being …

Painting My Trauma – Safety

This is the first painting of a series in which I will try to visualize my trauma, my childhood pain, the loneliness and lack of warmth and love, the abuse and the rejection. My childhood wasn't fun, it wasn't fair. I had to grow up too soon, life got too hard too early and I …

The Ideal Word Count For Someone With ADHD

A graph produced by SGA analysis from the narrative discourse of an ADHD patient, that portrays a clear lack of linearity.Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and narrative discourse in older adults - R. Coelho, P. Mattos, R. Tannocz The first time 30 Days ADHD was found by a search engine was about a year ago by someone …

You Don’t But Your Parents!

I recently started schema therapy, also called lifetrap therapy. This kind of therapy believes that the problems we encounter in our adult life, often originate in our childhood, in the early connection or relationship with our parents. The way our parents choose to connect with us, is what we get familiar with, it's what we …

Continue To Pause

This morning I woke up feeling that it's time for a change, time to put myself back on track. For months I now, I have the feeling that time passes too quickly, that things change too fast and that I am slowly loosing myself again. I broke down in February, but with all the writing …