Stranger in my own country

I never considered myself to be a Dutchie, but I must admit I am one. I am blond, pretty pale and once a year I even eat stamppot. I did not really get the tallness, nor the ability to eat cheese and drink milk that come with being Dutch. I never felt the need to …

I never want to loose any part of me

I started dreaming again, very clear dreams that seem to be extremely real. I believe this means I'm getting closer to myself, closer to the person I once was. I wrote about my dreaming super-powers before, about how loosing my ability to enter the hidden world of my imagination and missing out on the amazing …

Lovebeat – The honest truth about love and ADHD

Love comes with many emotions and, at least for me, relationships have always proven to be the biggest struggle I encounter due to the ADHD devil that lives inside my brain. The phases I went through in my fight with the devil, are clearly reflecting in the way I behave in relationships as well as …

Enjoy the little things and laugh about the crazy

Every day I wake up, I know that ADHD will be waking up with me. There has never been a day that my devil and angel allowed me to do it by myself, not one day they have decided to take the day off and stay asleep till the next day, although they quite often …

The importance of a cheerleader

Always look on the bright side of life. A happy song, written for the ending of a famous movie. A happy song with whistling, dancing and singing by a choir of men, waiting for their death on a cross. A song that become I believe even more famous than the movie it was written for, …

Fighting the ADHD devil – DAY 30

When I started this expedition through my brain, I believed I had just temporarily lost control over my ADHD devil. I figured that two weeks without my medication had allowed him to grow and take over the wheel. I honestly believed that a couple of days of writing and a week of disciplined pill swallowing …

Fighting the ADHD devil – DAY 29

Day 29, but actually it is day 366, or day 1. One year ago a new life started for me. A life without my grandpa, a life without my parent, teacher and cheerleader, a life without my safe place, without the one person that has always loved me, the only person that understood me and …

Different characters and accepting ADHD

I have been writing about how special my grandpa is to me, how close we were, how he was the only person in my family I could feel safe with, worthy of live, love and joy. He was the only person I could open up to, the only person I did not have to hide …

Fighting the ADHD devil – DAY 28

Opa is the Dutch word for grandfather. A word with a lot of meaning. A special word. I have never met my other grandfather, so opa for me, is only one person. One extremely special person. For me, opa is not a father of a parent, opa is my Opa. My friend, my parent and …

ADHD and grieve – how not to do it.

Death has always scared me, it has always make me feel really awkward. I had never been able to look at a dead body in a coffin. I never knew what to say to or how to behave around people that had lost someone, so I just avoided them. And I had never allowed myself …