30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 20 I have been trying to write this 20th day for weeks now, day after day I get my pen and notebook to get stuck somewhere in the first paragraph. Sixteen pages with no more than five lines are before this one, trying to describe an event that truly … Continue reading Suddenly I was free of everything my mother made me believe I was
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 11 I have always believed that if I want to have a great relationship, if I want to find the love of my life, I should find someone who is born between the 3th and 13th of September. As a kid, I only new two couples, my grandparents, who … Continue reading Today was once magical
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 8 When was the last time I truly allowed myself to be taken over by my feelings? I guess I was about four years old, I had made lasagna with my grandparents who had left shortly after we put the food in the over to cook because my father … Continue reading I was allowed to cry over lasagna
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 7 My mother played a big part in the creation of my emotional deprivation. She taught me to be hard, to hide, to not accept my own feelings and to doubt myself about everything. My mother's lack of interest in me fucked with my ability to show emotions, however, … Continue reading The rage of the stranger that is my father
I recently started schema therapy, also called lifetrap therapy. This kind of therapy believes that the problems we encounter in our adult life, often originate in our childhood, in the early connection or relationship with our parents. The way our parents choose to connect with us, is what we get familiar with, it's what we … Continue reading You Don’t But Your Parents!
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 28 I have a problem with relationships, not just the romantic ones, but all of them. When I was younger I noticed how I could never behave properly in any kind of relationship, getting angry without reason, demanding the impossible or just abandon everyone when things got too complicated. … Continue reading How my Childhood Trauma Affects my Relationships
When I look at my sister, at the way she behaves, the way she does things, the way she talks and her opinion, I recognize my parents. The way she cleans her house, the way she thinks about the corona crises, the way she talks to my grandma... a lot of how my sister is, … Continue reading Self-Made Me
I've talked about how my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was at University, and because of this, my childhood was filled with rejections, with not being accepted, with being punished for the way I was. Even today, when I look back I get angry, it might have been so much easier for me, so … Continue reading ADHD childhood struggles