30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 20 I have been trying to write this 20th day for weeks now, day after day I get my pen and notebook to get stuck somewhere in the first paragraph. Sixteen pages with no more than five lines are before this one, trying to describe an event that truly … Continue reading Suddenly I was free of everything my mother made me believe I was
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 1 It makes me angry that I could barely find the time to write today. The whole timing this past year of sickness has just been off. A year ago I had all the time to write and work on myself, and I believe I even was much better … Continue reading I Must Too Much
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 28 I have a problem with relationships, not just the romantic ones, but all of them. When I was younger I noticed how I could never behave properly in any kind of relationship, getting angry without reason, demanding the impossible or just abandon everyone when things got too complicated. … Continue reading How my Childhood Trauma Affects my Relationships
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 24 I have been angry for many years, however, I have never been furious about anything that deserved real anger. I have never expressed true rage, an emotion that only recently started to surface, a new scary monster inside me. I am struggling with delayed legitimate anger since I … Continue reading Anger Breakdown – The Moment I Finally Saw Myself
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 23 My whole life I spend hiding behind a shield of anger, turning every weakness, emotion, critique or fail into an expression of hate. I used to feel angry about everything and everyone, however, this anger was never true, it was my way to keep everything at a safe … Continue reading Legitimate Anger Delay – A New Monster
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 10 Hiding behind a shield of anger when you own a good amount of self-hate is pretty easy. The anger that surrounds you prevents other people from getting close, preventing you from any potential love or joy. The shield makes sure that no good things can happen to you … Continue reading When Hate turns into Sabotage
Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 8 I have a problem with anger management, just like my father or many other ADHD brains in this world. I am using my anger less as a shield to protect myself and although this gives me a new kind of connection with the real me, it also gives … Continue reading A New Kind of Anger
I have always had a problem with my emotions, mostly with my sadness. Due to my ADHD and the impact it had on my life, I don't allow myself to feel sad, and I try to cover it up. Yesterday I completely fucked up and the sadness-replacing-anger took over destroying everything.
Death has always scared me, it has always make me feel really awkward. I had never been able to look at a dead body in a coffin. I never knew what to say to or how to behave around people that had lost someone, so I just avoided them. And I had never allowed myself … Continue reading ADHD and grieve – how not to do it.