Remove your thought-soldiers

Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 7 The moment I started my writing journey was a dark one. I didn't take my medication for over two weeks, I didn't eat for a week and the night I started writing I was sitting in the dark, on a couch covered in rabbit pee still wearing my …

Adore your (ADH)Difference

Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 6 I am starting the feel a happiness I have never felt before, a joy related to recognizing the true me. It is like I'm finally able to discover, and be, the person that has been hiding inside me all my life but was never able to surface. I …

Self-Conversation

Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 3 I struggle a lot with my feelings. I mostly prefer to hide all of them, pretend I don't have emotions and on the rare occasion my feelings are able to surface, I show just anger to myself and the world around me. For over a decade I choose …

I am the devil

Loving the ADHD devil - DAY 1 In the next 30 days, I will go on a journey through my own mind. A journey that will focus on self-love and self-compassion. A journey that should increase the kindness I treat myself with. A journey on which I will learn to change my old habits of …

Lack of emotional compassion

My therapy had started, focussing on self-compassion. I have to learn how to love myself, how to listen and how to be more compassionate and sweet with the person I am. The first exercise I have to complete is writing myself a letter, a letter in which I tell myself how the thing that I'm …

My mother’s coloring book

My mother is getting bored because of the COVID-19 lockdown, she doesn't know what to do with her time. Often she tries to call me to complain about het empty days. I keep telling her to stop doing this, her nagging tires me, for a phone call with her I have to use all the …

I never want to loose any part of me

I started dreaming again, very clear dreams that seem to be extremely real. I believe this means I'm getting closer to myself, closer to the person I once was. I wrote about my dreaming super-powers before, about how loosing my ability to enter the hidden world of my imagination and missing out on the amazing …

Little Joy – The start

Today, I can not stop thinking about the day this writing journey started for me, the day I started the expedition through my own mind by writing down the first words that described what was going on inside there. My first post, Little Joy was where it all started for me. Originally a text I …

A socially closer spring

The global COVID-19 quarantine continues while the sun is getting brighter each day. The Netherlands are blessed with the most beautiful spring in history while life outside must remain limited, preferably even avoided. A difficult contradiction, that seems to effect a lot of people, making them less careful about the corona virus that is spreading …

Alone in the dark

I feel like shit. I can't stop crying, my heart can't slow down, I can't control the chaos and I can't figure out a way to brighten up the darkness that has taken over, completely. My boyfriend and I decided to start over again, from zero. To see each other less, so I can work …