Almost two and a half years ago I found myself in the most difficult place I have ever been, alone at home, going crazy because of my own thoughts, unable to function in the life I had made for myself. I described it as being in a deep, scary and extremely black hole. Life was … Continue reading Bye!
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 20 I have been trying to write this 20th day for weeks now, day after day I get my pen and notebook to get stuck somewhere in the first paragraph. Sixteen pages with no more than five lines are before this one, trying to describe an event that truly … Continue reading Suddenly I was free of everything my mother made me believe I was
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 19 The things we learn from our parents shape us for life, you will become the parent your parents where to you, and they were the parents their parents were to them, like a circle that repeats itself with each generation. You learn the meaning of a mother from … Continue reading Money doesn’t replace Motherlove
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 18 I have many insecurities but most of them are linked to the awareness of my own body, created by a kind of disconnection. For me, my body has always felt too big, it just doesn't fit me I don't see it at mine. Probably because the body of … Continue reading I am afraid of the story my body tells
DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 17 As a hypersensitive person I always considered myself to be good with other people. It is true that there are not many real friends around, due to the walls I have been hiding behind for years, but when it comes to making contact and getting to know a stranger … Continue reading There will never be a place for me on my boyfriend’s couch
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 16 My psychologist gave me and assignment before I got out of his green chair last week. "Think about a strength that can protect your child-self in the memories you have of her." He meant some good quality I have today that I can give her her, helping her … Continue reading I feel like I’m made up of antonyms
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 15 Mental health is vague, or at least the whole process of trying to heal from trauma with the help of a psychologist seems ambiguous to me. There are books describing steps and techniques but because it's about something so personal there is really not one way that is … Continue reading Surviving is all my life has been
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 14 Schema therapy is about healing the child within yourself, about bringing her (or him) back to life and help her change and grow. It is a kind of re-parenting therapy, in which you yourself, together with your psychologist rewrite the painful moments of your childhood, kind of showing … Continue reading Rewriting my truth
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 13 Today was once magical but now seem more painful than any other day of the year. It is king's day in the Netherlands, and when I woke up I saw a street filled with flags and balloons, the country is ready to celebrate but I am prepared to … Continue reading It was his day long before it was the king’s
30 DAYS OF FEELING - DAY 12 My mother has always wanted for me to be normal, to blend into this world as if there is no me besides the whole of people in this world. I have known that she has been afraid of getting attention her whole life, almost as if she is … Continue reading The harm in being raised by a wallflower
30 DAYS ADHD 