Painting My Trauma – Not Good Enough

I was a dreamy kid, happy to spend hours inside my own imagination, enjoying my own mind and the ideas that popped up in there, but for my family my mind was a taboo, something that should not have existed in the first place but should definitely not be shown to anyone. They could not accept this part of me, they were hiding it from everyone but also tried to change this about me. My parents and sister always made me feel as less than them, they always looked down on me, and put me in their own critical light that was supposed to make me turn into them. But it didn’t, it just made me feel alone, strange and worthless even.

Their criticism caused me to never feel like a part of my family, it was always them against me, them above me, like I wasn’t part of their us, the three musketeers and their weird little cousin or something. They never made me feel welcome to be a part of them, their attitude towards me made me feel like I would never be good enough, like I did not even have room to try, like I would not have any help. They made me feel like it was better for everyone if I would keep hiding in my darkness, if I would stay hidden for the rest of the world. Because they where enough to form one happy family, and maybe me being a part of that would even harm them, and looking down on me is what made them connect.

Not Good Enough – Anna

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