Fighting the ADHD devil – DAY 21

Often I find myself wondering what we all do in this world, what is the reason so many of us live on this planet, all together, until we die. The meaning of life, I have no idea what it is and I have to force myself not to think about it too often because it can really make me wonder for hours, days or even weeks.

Today was a rainy day, a real Dutch one, where every minute the weather changes, clouds, sun and rain, everything was present today and there was no weather forecast able to predict what would happen in the next five minutes. This is why I decided to skip my morning walk home and take the tram. I took a seat next to the window and looked outside. I saw so many different people, walking, cycling, driving, waiting, smoking, drinking, talking, laughing… So many people, all with their own life, all going somewhere, all with their own values. It is a strange world we live in, it is strange that there are so many of us, so close together, while also extremely far apart. I saw so many people and not of any of them I knew their destination, and not any of them knew mine, and at this point the world just stopped making sense.

Why do we live all together if we don’t even know each other? Why are we all the same but so extremely different? The clothes we wear, the way we move, the way we do our hair, what we eat in a day and what we spend our time with doing, it’s is so different for every person. In nature it is completely different, the main things are food, making babies and don’t die, for every kind of animal it is clear how to live their lives, in a way they are all the same, but what happened to us, why did we create so many different options for everything, why are we all so different, why isn’t there just one way we live our lives?

These questions, related to the purpose of our lives, are too big to answer. And the minute they pop up in my head I know I have to stop my thoughts very soon to prevent myself from going crazy trying to figure everything out. At these moments, I like to believe we are all part of a puppet show. A puppet show in a world populated by extremely huge giants, trying to have a good laugh. I imagine all the people around me are characters, made up by giants, playing in their puppet show. I imagine how a group of giant children is laughing about our every step, about the way their parents dressed us, about the way they make us talk, about the things their parents make us do, about the way their parents made us think that we, as tiny creatures are important and are able to make a change. I imagine a couple of adult giants, the parents of these laughing children, to spend nights coming up with new words for our languages, new silly items to dress us by, new gadgets to seduce us with and sometimes some natural disaster or virus, just to add some excitement to the story. I imagine the invisible wires that are connected to everything in this world, to create the opportunity for them to control everything. And then I think about myself, about how much fun I should be giving them, with all my clumsiness and weirdness, I must be a great laugh. Then I try to feel my wires but off course I can’t, they’re too thin, so I look up to the sky and give them a big smile. Thank you for saving me from another week of trying to find a meaning, I’ll just continue to make you laugh.

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