When I wake up an the sun is bright enough to create a little bit of light through my extremely darkening curtains I jump out of bed and open the windows. I feel happy and full of energy, just by this tiny bit of light in my bedroom, the knowledge that there will be sun outside, that the air will smell like sun, that I can warm myself to this sun and that life will be bright today. Whenever I notice a clear blue sky and a bright sun, my head seems to open, my chaos seems to disappear, I feel more, more good things.
It is a little weird how the sun has this effect on me, I mean, the brightness on these days is actually too much for me, I can not go outside without wearing my sunglasses, and even in the house I need to retreat to the darkest corners because the brightness will hurt my eyes. In a way, the sun complicates my life but still it is able to make me happy and give me energy. Maybe it is the color of the light or the way my rabbit finds his little spot on the couch in the sunlight to close his eyes and fall asleep, maybe it is because all the people around me become more happy because they can finally go outside or that my mother will stop complaining to me, maybe because the air smells nicer or because the pressure is different. I don’t know the reason, but I love these days.
Usually after I wake up on these perfect days I have the energy to open the windows, clean the house, cook nice food, enjoy time with my friends or boyfriend or go for a long nice walk. My brain seems to clear up and I seem to be able to do what I want to do and be who I want to be, the sun can make me truly happy, it seems to wash out the ADHD from my brain. Unfortunately I live in the Netherlands and sunny days are scares, sometimes I wonder if I should move to a different, more sunny country and have more of these amazing days. For now I just keep hoping every night, that the next day the sun will wake me up, and I can be great again.