Fighting the ADHD devil – DAY 12

When I tried to get out of bed this morning I fell and bruised my hand. It hurts, it’s swollen, it’s blue and because of this I stayed in bed till 4 PM, feeling sad and sorry for myself. Crying about the situation I am currently in, not seeing any good, any happiness. But before all of this happened I promised my boyfriend to cook for him tonight, make sure he would have nice food when he got back from his job, so when my alarm went off at 4, I had no other option besides getting up to get dressed, do the groceries and start cooking. I noticed I started getting anxious when I got on my bike, will I be able to cook food he likes, will I be on time, will I get all the groceries, will I be able to not cry in the grocery store today? I was happy I found a grocery list from about a year ago in my backpack, at least I did not have to make any decisions, just buy whatever was on this list and leave as quickly a possible. The way to the store seem to take forever and inside I spend about 20 minutes trying to figure out where to find the stuff that was on the list, walking around between those many things that seem to hide the things I was looking for. But at 4.46 PM I actually reached my boyfriends house with all the ingredients to start cooking, I did good, I even had some spare time!

Two of his housemates where at his place and we started talking, I poured myself a glass of wine and when it was time, I moved to the kitchen to start cooking. The two friends were not able to stay away from the food, they liked it so much, and when my boyfriend got home it only took him 3 minutes to finish the entire plate. He called it the best food he had ever had, delicious! And I felt proud, I did not feel my hand anymore, I did not feel the complete sadness that has taken over my brain, in that moment I just felt good.

So what did I learn once again? To be open, to be with other people and to not give up. When a day starts like shit it doesn’t have to mean the entire day is fucked, it doesn’t have to mean there will be no good for me on this day. On days like this I have to get up, I have to get outside and look for the things that can make me happy, even if it seems too far away. Because I have my little ADHD angle, even the smallest good or nice thing can take over my mind and make me feel completely happy. I tend to hide from everything and everyone when I’m sad, or angry or when there is chaos, but staying alone in my bed will never solve these things. I have to keep trying, keep looking and most importantly keep being open for nice things, and then, nice things will happen, and they will make me feel good.

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