Little joy

Since I know I have ADHD and the more I read about it and analyze it, I start understanding myself little by little. I very often read something or analyze patterns in myself and then I think, “this is why I’m always like this! ” and knowing this makes it a little easier to deal with these things.

Recently I did some research on dopamine and ADHD and this actually was a big break through in understanding myself. I mean, this is why I like to have so many orgasms, why I do things completely or not at all, why I need to be challenged at work, and so many other things, also about my past. This understanding came after feeling extremely unhappy after coming back from a holiday, and before I realized I hadn’t taken my medication for two weeks, because I was still not taking them.

Off course I’ll need some time to figure out how to deal with this, how to use this knowledge to make myself more in control of the feelings that come from the dopamine issue. But if I look at myself now. Understanding this, and seeing this pattern in my whole life helps already a lot and makes me feel better. I feel now for example to enjoy my morning cigarette in the sun instead of waisting this little moment with thinking about how things could be better. The moment itself is also nice, and should be good enough. So now I’ll get to work, and enjoy once again how my fingers can draw things without me thinking about it, which makes my work feel like I’m a musician playing an amazing solo. And enjoy how the good music can lift up my mood and make me happy. Because these little things being able to make me happy is one of the best things about having ADHD and I should enjoy every little part of them!

Months later I couldn’t get myself from thinking about the moment I wrote this, the start of my journey, the start of writing. A moment that changed everything. Still I try to focus on the little things that make me happy as often as possible, but what I found is more important, is accepting my feelings. I am upset not only because of dopamine, I am upset because something is wrong. What I have learned in the past months is that no matter how extreme my ADHD feelings are, there is always a truth in them, and I have to take them seriously instead of ignoring my feelings like I did when I wrote this. Months later I wrote again about the moment I wrote this post, the post that was the start of everything.

Little Joy – The start

Today, I can not stop thinking about the day this writing journey started for me, the day I started the expedition through my own mind by writing down the first words that described what was going on inside there. My first post, Little Joy was where it all started for me. Originally a text I … Continue reading Little Joy – The start

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