ADHD is often described by a list of symptoms, made up by the neurotypical brains that invented the name ADHD. But this doesn’t cover the whole story, it doesn’t explain the true experience of living with this type of brain everyday of your life since it’s merely focussed on what is visible from the outside. ADHD, especially in girls, does great damage on the inside and the true symptoms are much severe than a clinical list can describe.
ADHD is much more than a disorder. ADHD brains contain an angel inside them, providing them with many super-powers and cool abilities. ADHD comes with good things, with a lot of fun and happiness on the days that the devil remains small. ADHD brains love stronger, laugh harder and live more intense which makes us amazing people to be around.
From little frustrations to big challenges, everyday the ADHD devil effects the life of the brain he lives in. He spreads chaos and darkness and sometimes he wins the fight and bad things happen. The scary truth about the devil’s dark magic that makes ADHD brains do things they will regret and often feel ashamed of. The most honest description of the darkest ADHD moments.
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 19 The things we learn from our parents shape us for life, you will become the parent your parents where to you, and they were the parents their parents were to them, like a circle that repeats itself with each generation. You learn the meaning of a mother from … Continue reading Money doesn’t replace Motherlove
I just really wish I could be up there…
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 18 I have many insecurities but most of them are linked to the awareness of my own body, created by a kind of disconnection. For me, my body has always felt too big, it just doesn’t fit me I don’t see it at mine. Probably because the body of … Continue reading I am afraid of the story my body tells
DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 17 As a hypersensitive person I always considered myself to be good with other people. It is true that there are not many real friends around, due to the walls I have been hiding behind for years, but when it comes to making contact and getting to know a stranger … Continue reading There will never be a place for me on my boyfriend’s couch
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 16 My psychologist gave me and assignment before I got out of his green chair last week. “Think about a strength that can protect your child-self in the memories you have of her.” He meant some good quality I have today that I can give her her, helping her … Continue reading I feel like I’m made up of antonyms
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 15 Mental health is vague, or at least the whole process of trying to heal from trauma with the help of a psychologist seems ambiguous to me. There are books describing steps and techniques but because it’s about something so personal there is really not one way that is … Continue reading Surviving is all my life has been
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 14 Schema therapy is about healing the child within yourself, about bringing her (or him) back to life and help her change and grow. It is a kind of re-parenting therapy, in which you yourself, together with your psychologist rewrite the painful moments of your childhood, kind of showing … Continue reading Rewriting my truth
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 13 Today was once magical but now seem more painful than any other day of the year. It is king’s day in the Netherlands, and when I woke up I saw a street filled with flags and balloons, the country is ready to celebrate but I am prepared to … Continue reading It was his day long before it was the king’s
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 12 My mother has always wanted for me to be normal, to blend into this world as if there is no me besides the whole of people in this world. I have known that she has been afraid of getting attention her whole life, almost as if she is … Continue reading The harm in being raised by a wallflower
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 11 I have always believed that if I want to have a great relationship, if I want to find the love of my life, I should find someone who is born between the 3th and 13th of September. As a kid, I only new two couples, my grandparents, who … Continue reading Today was once magical
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 10 Until yesterday I have been struggling with my therapy. My psychologist wants me to relive my the traumatic events of my childhood, open up about the emotions I felt back then and heal by rewriting my past, providing my inner child the support and safety she needed but … Continue reading Disconnect to reconnect
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 9 It is very human to associate objects with certain emotions, to give something that seems very common a sentimental value that makes it priceless to you. We all own things that can never be replaced by anything else, things that seem without value but are worth everything for … Continue reading Words have a meaning greater than their translation
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 8 When was the last time I truly allowed myself to be taken over by my feelings? I guess I was about four years old, I had made lasagna with my grandparents who had left shortly after we put the food in the over to cook because my father … Continue reading I was allowed to cry over lasagna
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 7 My mother played a big part in the creation of my emotional deprivation. She taught me to be hard, to hide, to not accept my own feelings and to doubt myself about everything. My mother’s lack of interest in me fucked with my ability to show emotions, however, … Continue reading The rage of the stranger that is my father
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 6 There is one more thing I need to investigate before I will be able to start figuring out a way to change myself. Until now I have learned about how I deal with my emotions in relation to other people, how not only my mother but our society … Continue reading Crying is just a pathetic way to get attention and fear is only caused by the monster that is me
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 5 On the rare occasion that I am overwhelmed by sadness, or I guess when sadness takes me by surprise, I run towards my bed, hide underneath my blanket and watch whatever movie pops-up on my phone first. Every time. But why? It seems that I have taught myself … Continue reading Tears are only allowed on a pillow
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 4 I feel like my life has become all about my breakdown. At work my mental state is a topic in almost every conversation, my conversations with family and friends have become distant and with everything I keep doubting myself because of what I am going through. Sometimes I … Continue reading I hold my own light
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 3 Yesterday I finally came to the point of accepting that I have been avoiding my feelings, of understanding how I protect myself from feeling and of knowing that I have to start trying to change things for myself. I realized how I have lost my way in the … Continue reading I am the shell that locked me up
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 1 It makes me angry that I could barely find the time to write today. The whole timing this past year of sickness has just been off. A year ago I had all the time to write and work on myself, and I believe I even was much better … Continue reading I Must Too Much
30 DAYS OF FEELING – DAY 0 Mental health is about how we think feel and behave, it’s about looking after ongoing wellness and happiness, about knowing yourself and making sure that your needs are met, being able to express your feelings and standing up for yourself, knowing what you can and can not do … Continue reading I Accept
I was a dreamy kid, happy to spend hours inside my own imagination, enjoying my own mind and the ideas that popped up in there, but for my family my mind was a taboo, something that should not have existed in the first place but should definitely not be shown to anyone. They could not … Continue reading Painting My Trauma – Not Good Enough
This is the first painting of a series in which I will try to visualize my trauma, my childhood pain, the loneliness and lack of warmth and love, the abuse and the rejection. My childhood wasn’t fun, it wasn’t fair. I had to grow up too soon, life got too hard too early and I … Continue reading Painting My Trauma – Safety
My only memories of safety from when I was young, are in my room, alone in the kitchen or in the garden. The little hammocks on the ceiling for my stuffed animals, my bunny circling around in the washing machine, or my imaginary friend Jack, who was always there for me when I had become … Continue reading Pain, Pride, Sadness and Anger
These four words used to mean everything to me. Since I was about 3 to 4 years old, I knew I wanted to design buildings, I knew I wanted to spend my time drawing and thinking about spaciousness, combinations of materials and how people live in and use a building. Architecture has always fascinated me, … Continue reading I Am An Architect!